Things can get a little tense around the holidays. Your family are a group of people that, oftentimes, you don’t so much choose to spend time with as you feel obligated to spend time with. Some of them may have even contributed to installing your buttons, so it’s not inconceivable that they might push them.

Things always run smoother, in any relationship, when we can let go of feelings of obligation and own our choices. It’s like the person who focuses on what’s not working in a marriage, rather than on what they love about their partner – they end up with one foot out the door, and miserable, long before the rest of their body follows.

If you are feeling irritated, frustrated, or even enraged about your holiday plans, here are some things you can do to change that. Think of it in these terms – the only thing you have control over are your actions and reactions, so do things that will help you feel good, rather than continuing to do things that put you in a bad place. You’re taking your power back.

* Make a list of at least 5 things you like, admire, or respect about each of the people you will be spending time with.
* Work out a game plan ahead of time for at least 2 ways to clear your head and regroup if someone pushes your buttons during a gathering. If you’ll be attending a gathering with an ally, make sure you share those plans with them so they can remind you when you need them.
* Take charge of your self care. Have snack on hand in case food is running late. Dress in layers for variable temperatures. Do your best to be well-rested. Employ self-soothing techniques as necessary.
* Remember all your options. Sometimes just knowing that there are options can be helpful.

The holidays are what you make of them. Remember that. Be the light of the world!
Ayamanatara