We all have patterns. Once we become aware of them, they annoy us (or traumatize us, or make us feel poorly about ourselves). We seem to be having the same boss/roommate/partner over and over and over again.

Newsflash: The Universe is not doing this TO you. If you’re going to attribute it to the Universe at all, the Universe is doing this FOR you. Really, it’s your Higher Self offering you the opportunity to heal the originating wound.

When we have a trauma and it doesn’t get healed, we leave part of ourselves there in that moment, and two things happen.

(1) Every time something happens that feels somehow like that originating wound, we respond from that space. In other words, if the originating wound happened when you were 5 years old, you respond to the current even as if you were that traumatized five year old. The events may not even be that similar, there was just something about it that reminded your poor inner five year old of that moment in time. This can be super disempowering, and it can result in us reacting inappropriately.

(2) We keep calling in or choosing situations that feel like the originating wound so we have an opportunity to heal it (tada! patterns!). The problem is, of course, that if we act from that triggered space, we can’t choose differently. We have to train ourselves to bring ourselves back into the present moment so we can make choices that are pertinent to the issue at hand, and we can start to heal that old wound instead of re-traumatizing ourselves.

There are a number of tools that help with this. Your ego is going to fight you on every single one of them, just so you know.

Any sort of mindfulness practice is key.

Getting in the habit of listening to your body more than your mind when things get rocky. Where in your body do you feel the sensations of the chemical reaction? Are they hot or cold? Tight or loose? Smooth or prickly? Here’s a meditative exercise to help you practice this.

Acceptance is incredibly useful. I realize that was last week’s theme. Bring it back. Retro is in, right?

Make decisions from your heart space rather than from ego.

If you’ve got fear coming up around this, ask yourself:
Do you want your patterns to keep repeating?
Do you want to continue to give your power away?
If you let this go, what is the worst thing that can happen?
If you let this go, what is the best thing that can happen?

This post is part of a series called Monday Message, based on that day’s reflection from 365 Days to Enlightenment (authorized versions are currently out of print, working on a new edition). Check back next Monday for another one! You can also sign up for the Daily Message on my mailing list if you’d like to receive a new reflection every day. I also often post them to Instagram, if that’s a medium you enjoy.