One of the spectrums of attitudes that people bring to their interactions has, on one end, nothing but boundaries and, on the other end of that spectrum, there are zero boundaries. Some people call these bitchy and nice, but these are generally people who would prefer that you have no boundaries, or who have been trained to find boundaries strange. Having some boundaries is good, as long as they don’t become walls. When you don’t have any boundaries, you become a doormat, and people walk all over you.

The balance point between the two is the willingness to tell the uncomfortable truth in the moment in order to prevent longer-term discomfort. Sometimes that means telling the stranger who just came out of the restroom that they have toilet paper stuck to their shoe. Sometimes that means drawing a boundary with a friend so you can both have a better time. The best way to practice this is with love in your heart. This balance point is most often called Kindness.

Kindness isn’t always about boundaries, but it is always about an act done with (or from) love. That love may not be specifically for the person on the receiving end of the kindness; it may be for The Divine, or humanity as a whole, or nature, or anything really. Kindness can range from picking up a gift for someone you care about for no reason, simply because you saw it and thought of them, to buying a sandwich for the person who is unhoused on the corner. It can be picking up litter as you walk down the beach or recycling in your home and office. It can be as simple as smiling at a child in the grocery store or as time-consuming as setting up a toy drive around the holidays.

Kindness brings joy into our lives, and joy engenders more kindness. Kindness can transform the world. If you use kindness as the metric for your behavior, you cannot go wrong.

Today, do three nice things for others with no thought as to reward. Just because. They can know about it or not, it doesn’t matter. But just do them. See how you feel at the end of the day. Maybe you’ll want to try it again tomorrow…

This post is part of a series called Monday Message, based on that day’s reflection from 365 Days to Enlightenment (authorized versions are currently out of print, working on a new edition). Check back next Monday for another one! You can also sign up for the Daily Message on my mailing list if you’d like to receive a new reflection every day. I also often post them to Instagram, if that’s a medium you enjoy.