Rituals, celebrations, and ceremonies are our form of formal observation of chapter shifts or milestones. There are all sorts of these milestones throughout a person’s life. Some are celebrated in our society, others are not. Births, new home, weddings, finishing school, coming of age, birthdays, deaths – these have customs and somewhat familiar rituals. Other milestones are not commonly celebrated in our society; perhaps they should be. The beginning and end of a woman’s fertility, severing the bonds of marriage, the entry into true adulthood in a person’s early 30s, someone becoming an elder in their community, conception (not just birth), the loss of an unborn child – all of these deserve to be formally acknowledged.

Milestone observations or celebrations should mean something to those in attendance. When a form of celebration is merely rote, it becomes obligation. There is something to be said for tradition, but only when those involved understand the significance of the components of the ceremony. This is why some rites of passage, like Bar Mitzvah, are prefaced by study.

I love creating ritual that means something. It is captivating, being a part of the observation of a milestone where everyone is engaged in the ceremony. I groove on the art of crafting intensely personal components, and nesting them in a familiar structure, so that everyone is caught up in the energy and the flow.

Give some thought to the milestones you’ve had in your life. How have they been observed? Who was involved? What chapter shifts were not acknowledged that you wish had been?
Birthdays are an excellent example. To me, the birthday of a loved one is an opportunity for me to celebrate that this person is in my life. One of my brothers’ does not celebrate birthdays due to his Faith, and I have had to find a balance between honoring his beliefs and letting him know how grateful I am that he is in my life. I do my best, for my own birthday, to do something life-affirming, that allows me to feel gratitude and joy for my own existence; this usually means a quirky activity and being surrounded by as much love as possible.

Weddings are another excellent example. People have a certain expectation of how the ceremony will flow. Within that structure, it is possible to create a ritual so personal that all in attendance are swept away by the energy of it. What is the most moving wedding ceremony you’ve been to? What do you remember about it?

I have had the honor, over the years, of being a part of some less-traditional mile markers. A woman’s family wanted to honor and celebrate her passage into wise-woman status. Showing a woman getting ready to pass the support and love of her community. The loss of a beloved pet. A non-religious presentation of a new baby to his community.

When we formally observe the chapter shifts, we honor ourselves and our community. We give those transitions importance. We acknowledge the changes and create a vessel for our grief, because it is human nature to grieve change. Equally as important, we foster community. We grow and nurture the bonds between us that make us more than a sum of our parts.