I am seeing a lot of people concerned right now about the balance and fairness of their relationships (friendships, familial, and romantic). Fairness is a concern generated the negative ego. The higher self revels in connection and does not pay attention to who initiated what last. Relationships are not balance sheets, and it is certainly true that relationships based on calculations will have to be reevaluated or dissolved, due to the Venus transit and lunar eclipse this week.
Now, this is not to say that relationships shouldn’t strive for balance, but that balance is one of give and take over a long period. There is an exception even to this, however – the parent/child model tends to be one sided in effort, because of the caregivers nature of it. Generally speaking, however, someone who always takes from a relationship without giving, or vice versa, is going to be out of balance within themselves. That is to say, the imbalance lies within the individual, not the relationship, and should likewise be the concern of the individual, rather than the other party.
So, if you are feeling like a relationship is treating you unfairly, if you don’t feel line you’re getting the attention or the effort that you deserve, I suggest to you that your negative ego has taken the global energy of re-evaluation and is using it to hook you and make a mess. If this us the case, it is probably very loud inside your head, and it will be nigh impossible to think your way out of this predicament.
So you’re not going to use your head on this one. Start by picking up or starting a project that involves your hands and muscle memory – crochet, knitting, needlepoint, origami… This will give your conscious mind something to do without taking all of your attention.
While you are working on this project, pay attention to your breath, first without altering it, but gradually slowing and lengthening both the in- and exhalation, making sure to fully empty your lungs each time.
Once your breathing is as long and slow as you can make it, bring that same level of attention into the center of your chest at the level of your armpits. This is your energetic heart center, what some traditions call your Central Sun. Connect with your joy, recalling something that has brought you joy in the past if you have to. Focus on the feeling, allowing it to radiate out through your body, until it fills you.
If you can, see the person you feel has been treating you unfairly in front of you. If you’re not visual, imagine them in front of you in some other way; you can even look at a photograph of them if you need to. Now, remind yourself of all the things you do like, admire, or respect about them. What attracted you to them to begin with? What attributes make them interesting or fun? Do your best to stay out of the “yeah, but” thoughts your negative ego will throw at you.
Now bring your attention back into your heart center, carrying your image of them with you, if you’d like. Ask that space (not your head) what the truth of your relationship with them is. Allow yourself to feel that truth.
This is the basis for your actions with them going forward, not what your head is telling you. It is true that relationships wax and wane, and sometimes it really is time to let someone go, or to draw better boundaries. But let it be your heart that guides you rather than the committee in your head.