Category Archives: Personal growth

New Moon Introspection

This is a New Moon of Trickster energy, of contradictions, and of crumbling foundations. Go inward, into your heart, and get to know yourself. Get the ego out of the way, and get real. Ask yourself the hard questions. Find out what’s really going on. Clear out the cobwebs, throw the windows open, and shake out the shadows.

Then, when you’ve swept up all the dust, ask yourself what you might be doing that isn’t in alignment with who you really are.

See what comes up.

You don’t have to do anything about it right now, so there’s no reason to shy away from the information. Just listen.

And then reconnect. With yourself, with your friends and chosen family, with your community. If the foundations are crumbling, maybe it’s time to band together and build some new structures. Barn raisings are always better with many hands.

Faery Meditation

I am working on a series of books on Faery. It’s a channeled piece, told to me by a stone. Long story.

Anyway, I am offering you this beginning meditation from the book. With all of the solar storms and astrological events and energetic hoohaw going on, I thought it might help:

Go out into a garden, and take your shoes off. Feel the texture of the ground. Squat down and place your hands in the dirt, if you can. Feel the quality of it. Is it moist? Dry? Hard? Soft? Crumbly? Sticky? What does it smell like? Taste it, if you dare, just a little. Is it sharp? Sweet?

Are there any water features? A pond, a stream, a fountain, a birdbath? Go touch the water. Is it warm? Cool? What does it smell like? Is it moving or still? Is there anything visible living in it?

What plants grow here, in this garden? What shape are the leaves? What are the textures? Are things plump or flat? Are there flowers? What are the scents of the plants, not just the flowers, but the leaves. How do the plants move? What shapes do they grow in? How many of them can you name? What would you guess, if you do not know, their medicinal properties would be?

Take a deep breath. Feel the air filling your lungs. Is it cool? Hot? What does it smell like? What does it taste like? Is it dry or humid? Does it feel sharp or smooth? Is there a breeze? What direction is it coming from? Is it a different temperature than the air?

Are there insects? What kind? What are they doing? Are they moving quickly or slowly? Do they stay close to the ground or fly up high? What sound do they make?

Speaking of sound, what sounds do you hear, out in this garden? Are there manmade sounds as well as the sounds of nature? Is there a rhythm or a song to the noise as a whole? Is there bird song? Crickets? Bees? Frogs? Is the sound different when you move versus when you stand still?

Look up at the sky. Are there clouds? Blue sky? Haze or maybe even smog? Where in the sky is the sun? What color is the sky? Can you see the moon as well? Are there birds flying? Can you name them? Are they raptors? Carrion eaters? Birds that eat bugs in trees? Fruit eaters? Birds that go after ground insects? What colors are they? What’s their wingspan? Do they fly together or alone? Do they glide lazily on the currents or head purposely in a direction? Can you feel the sun on your skin, warming you?

This is awareness of the natural world. This is the easiest way to start to heal the disconnect that we have created with our power lines and our concrete and our steel. You should take 5 minutes out of every day to do this, to just be and reconnect with nature. Notice how your body feels when you do this? Do things feel slower or faster for you. Do you move deliberately or do you feel like you need to rush through the process?

Remember that your resistance, your density, is going to try to dissuade you from this process. Make a commitment to stay with the experience, to the best of your ability, despite any internal or external discomfort that arises. Sometimes it helps to imagine that you are breaking through the soles of your feet, releasing any pain or anxiety into the ground. Don’t let your resistance tell you this is a bad idea, that you might poison or otherwise harm the earth – is Nature not the great alchemist, turning carbon dioxide into oxygen, water into clouds, and trash into nutrients for the plants? Surely Nature can transmute your pain and anxiety into something more useful.

On the Question of Privilege

priv·i·lege
noun \ˈpriv-lij, ˈpri-və-\
Definition of PRIVILEGE : a right or immunity granted as a peculiar benefit, advantage, or favor : prerogative; especially : such a right or immunity attached specifically to a position or an office

This concept has been coming into the collective consciousness more and more lately. White privilege, male privilege, straight privilege, religion-of-choice privilege…  The interesting thing about societal privilege is that it’s very difficult to see it when you are a member of that particular group.  It has to be defined in relation to other groups: what can they not do that I can not only do, but don’t have to think about my ability to do? Awareness of your own privilege requires both self-awareness and an awareness of what being Other truly means.

It’s a difficult topic. It makes people us uncomfortable, because they we are frequently confronted with it in a manner that puts them in the wrong. So of course they we get defensive, of course they we don’t want to examine it!

I realize this is not the sort of topic you might be accustomed to seeing in a spiritual blog. It should be, though. Peter Dybing wrote about Pagan Intolerance this week, and Intolerance can be a byproduct of Privilege. He brings up an excellent point, one that is relevant to this blog:

As part of my personal practice I hold those opinions and individuals with whom I disagree in what I call “Sacred Regard”. They provide me the opportunity to dig deeper, develop compassion and understanding, acknowledge the diversity in community and more clearly define my own understanding of the nature of the divine and my relationship to the Goddess.

Tolerance is a spiritual principle. A better one is what Peter defines as Sacred Regard. If we stop thinking of people as Other, and we start to work to understand them, we grow, we evolve, we become more than the sum of our parts.

Something I have been personally working rather deeply this Spring has been the Shadow Self. If you want to be effective, if you want to move forward in your life, if you want to not be stuck, you must be fully in alignment. That means self-examination, knowing what your weaknesses are and even befriending them, ultimately turning them into strengths. That means looking at the Uncomfortable Truths in your life. What are those parts of you that you don’t like to acknowledge? What are those parts you would like to ignore? Be aware of yourself in all your parts.

For some people, that might mean looking at the concept of privilege.

Peggy McIntosh:

I have often noticed men’s unwillingness to grant that they are overprivileged in the curriculum, even though they may grant that women are disadvantaged. Denials that amount to taboos surround the subject of advantages that men gain from women’s disadvantages. These denials protect male privilege from being fully recognized, acknowledged, lessened, or ended.

In this potpourri of examples, some privileges make me feel at home in the world. Others allow me to escape penalties or dangers that others suffer. Through some, I escape fear, anxiety, insult, injury, or a sense of not being welcome, not being real. Some keep me from having to hide, to be in disguise, to feel sick or crazy, to negotiate each transaction from the position of being an outsider or, within my group, a person who is suspected of having too close links with a dominant culture. Most keep me from having to be angry.

In proportion as my racial group was being made confident, comfortable, and oblivious, other groups were likely being made unconfident, uncomfortable, and alienated. Whiteness protected me from many kinds of hostility, distress, and violence, which I was being subtly trained to visit in turn upon people of color.

David J Leonard:

The “it’s suppose to happen” in inner-city communities reframe is not surprising. Places like Columbine, Aurora, and Newtown exist because of the fear-industrial complex. The white middle-class flocked from cities into the suburbs and rural communities partially due to fear of black and Latino youth, integrated schools, and urban crime. The continuously deployed the narrative of “it’s not suppose to happen in Newtown” and their neighborhoods mirroring “American family’s dream” embodies this entrenched belief. The efforts to imagine Holmes and Lanza as good kids turned evil, to scour the earth for reasons and potential solutions, works to preserve the illusion of safety, the allure of white suburbia, and the power of whiteness.

and Jim Keller:

Many people believe white privilege does not exist. Many people believe straight privilege does not exist. Those people never sat up all night with a list of dentists who take their insurance desperately trying to find one who believes that gay people are fully human.

You see, a straight person cannot perceive straight privilege when it happens any more than I can perceive white privilege. One cannot decline this privilege. It happens silently, insidiously. Seriously, have you looked at the list of associations your dentist belongs to, and researched each one? Why would you? Why would anyone — unless they’re a member of a minority group and aware that certain groups are, in fact, out to get you?

It is easy to see where we don’t get something that others can easily have, but it’s much harder to see when the roles are reversed. Doing the work to create the awareness is an important part of spiritual growth.  There are resources out there that can help you in this regard; here are two such examples:

The Male Privilege Checklist

The article by Peggy McIntosh has a pretty good list of White Privilege, as well as how she arrived at that list. She uses as definition “a list of special circumstances and conditions I experience that I did not earn but that I have been made to feel are mine by birth, by citizenship, and by virtue of being a conscientious law-abiding “normal” person of goodwill. I have chosen those conditions that I think in my case attach somewhat more to skin-color privilege than to class, religion, ethnic status, or geographic location, though these other privileging factors are intricately intertwined. As far as I can see, my Afro-American co-workers, friends, and acquaintances with whom I come into daily or frequent contact in this particular time, place, and line of work cannot count on most of these conditions.

What’s your list? I’d love to know.

 

What Are You For?

Author’s note: I wrote this back in 2006, but it seems rather pertinent, so I’m reposting.

I was once asked why I don’t participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I’ll be there.
-Mother Teresa

Energy follows focus. If I focus on being against something, I am still focusing on that thing and, therefore, feeding it energy.

Terrorism is a great example of this. Terrorism seeks a response, that is its purpose. By reacting to terrorism, I give it power. If I continue to live my life without fear, on the other hand, I maintain my own power.

So, I ask you, what are you FOR? What are you in favor of, with a passion that causes you to do something about it? What would you march for, fight for, rally for, sing for, raise money for?

I am for peace, for love, and for the environment I am for freedom of expression, freedom of self, freedom of love, freedom of partnership, freedom of religion and spiritual belief, and freedom of pocketbook I am for health and healing, wherever it is needed I am for community, for making my community feel supported and nurtured, and for open communication without judgment within my community I am for abundance, with the realization that there is enough for everyone

What are you for?

When disaster strikes

From Spirit’s point of view, disaster is an opportunity for growth. I know this is very hard to bear in mind when faced with imagery of blood and terror, or when people you know leave this world suddenly. Spirit is not limited by what we perceive as limitations, Spirit does not see what we call death as an ending, Spirit does not grieve the same things we grieve.

In September of 2001, when faced with the hugeness of the terror attacks in New York and DC, I asked Spirit what I was supposed to do with this overwhelming data, because I didn’t know. My brain just shorted out, and I didn’t know what to do. Spirit said something very much like what They said yesterday:

“Blessed are those who give their lives in tragedy, for they afford the rest of us the opportunity to grow in community and in light.

Blessed are those who create tragedy, for they take on karma while affording us the opportunity to grow in community and light.

Blessed are the witnesses, for they can grow in community and light; they can be The Helpers of which Fred Rodgers spoke. They draw their loved ones close. They open their homes or make food or bring blankets or facilitate connection. They are the people who run towards the smoke, the runners who changed course to blood donation stations, the people who acted and are acting.

It is only when we freeze that terrorism is effective.”

Remember, darkness is the absence of light. You carry the light within you, and it is not finite. Share your light with others, maintain the light, stay in the light, and there is no way that darkness can touch you. Whether disaster spurs you to positive action in your family, in your community, or on a global scale, you are acting as a LightWorker, and you are actively thwarting the darkness.

You truly are the Light of the World.

Reorganization of Information

I am in the process of rethinking the organization of this website, and it really is a metaphor for what’s going on in my life. I need to change the order of presentation, for one, so that something else is presented when you first come to the site. I am also re-evaluating my masks and how I present myself as a healer and a teacher, courtesy of Raccoon. Interestingly, I recently came to the conclusion that I don’t have to make friends with my shadow self, because it’s already a fully integrated part of me. I would, in fact, argue, that I present my shadow self more as who I am in my personal life that I do what is probably my not-shadow self. ::shrug:: I’ve always done things a little backwards.

I am also giving serious through to reorganizing the Tools page, and breaking it down into smaller pages so it’s easier for find what you’re looking for. So, a page for books and readable media, a page for meditations and listenable media, a page for online classes (which are coming soon), a page for clearing bowls, and a page for oils and incenses (which I’m starting to make again). Possibly a page for jewelry, as I think that’s coming back into you repertoire as well. All of this is merely a way for me to make it easier for you to figure out how I can help you. Which means I probably need to sort out the Services area a little more, or at least make the site navigation more user-friendly. In the 3D, I am also looking for ways to be more accessible to my clients and students; this may mean being more accessible in the virtual world, as I can serve more people in this forum.

This is all part and parcel of the dredging up the river I did for the last month. We are now out of Mercury Retrograde (although still in it’s wake, don’t get too excited), so I can really look forward and create new methods of communication and new ways to make myself available.  I’m sure it will be interesting…

A Very Tardy Writeup of Pantheacon

Over Presidents’ Day weekend, I attended Pantheacon in San Jose. Envision 3000 pagans, 4 days of workshops and rituals (with up to 14 of those being held simultaneously in any given time slot), plus vendors and readers and book signings and hospitality suites, in an airport hotel. This was my second year attending and my first year presenting.

I attended:

I also did readings one afternoon and offered by Becoming the Goddess workshop, visited a number of hospitality suites, and had some great conversations with people.

It was exhausting and exhilarating and informative and inspiring. I dredged up all sort of shadow stuff to be purged or otherwise dealt with. I learned new skills and techniques and affirmed old ones. I bought some earrings and a reclaimed raccoon tail that resonated with me the way most animal products don’t. I saw people I hadn’t seen in quite some time, people I had just seen at the Conference on Current Pagan Studies, and people with whom I had only spoken to online.

Out of everything I attended, the most useful workshop was, hands down, the Four Powers of the Sphinx. It laid out a very simple and easy to use formula for manifesting that, when combined with the other events I attended, really felt like it was going to make a difference for me. I also just adore T Thorn Coyle’s manner of expressing ideas, which I’m sure helped.

The most powerful ritual was Hecate’s Path. It was a ritual of mourning for a close friend of the leaders, and mostly involved a room full of people chanting the same thing for about an hour; but it was so very transformative and the energy was stunning. I originally chose to attend it because I do a monthly dark moon/new moon myself, and I wanted to experience how others might observe that. It ended up being so much more.

I was supposed to go up with a handful of my students (and possibly even my husband), and ended up going by myself, which was perfect. I was able to feel my way through which things I wanted to attend, didn’t have to worry too much about meeting up with anyone, and probably actually got more rest than I would have if I was part of a group. I stay off site, which enables me to completely shift gears when I need to, but having a hotel room there might have been nice simply so I could nap during meal breaks.

I am still processing the lessons learned, so this probably isn’t as in depth as I would like. It was a wonderful weekend and I do highly recommend it if you want a lot of workshops in a short amount of time, or if you want to feel a part of a larger community, or even if you want to expose yourself to new pagan experiences. It’s affordable, it’s convenient for anyone on the west coast (or at least Californians), and it is becoming an annual tradition for me.

Cleansing Baths

As today’s psychic fair, I had occasion to recommend cleansing baths (also known as “limpia baths”) for a high percentage of my clients [note:energy cleasing, rather than getting rid of dirt, although they'll do that, too]. As you may have noticed, I like patterns. This pattern makes me think that perhaps people need to do more cleansing baths, especially snce so many people have been ‘dredging their riverbottoms,’ as it were, during this Mercury retrograde.

A limpia bath will clear a person’s energy and even reset it, so that they are fee of whatever external influences are not working for them – old relationships, negative thoughts and habits, or even just whatever they may have brought up from the depths to be cleared. They are always done for a proscribed number of days in a row, generally in multiples of seven (or, in extreme cases, for 40 days). They always have salt in them (epsom, sea, or Himalayan), and they should also always have bay leaf (also known as bay laurel). Some people will add stones, like rose quartz or amethyst, to assist them in what they are working on; pay attention to where on the hardness scale a stone lies, if you are going to do this – anything softer than quartz may not fare as well through the process.

Limpia baths frequently also have other herbs in them, or oils. Oils and the salt can be added directly to the bath, the herbs should be put in a suacepan with water to cover, and brought to a boil on the stove (with a lid on), and allowed to simmer for 15-20 minutes, and strained. The resulting liquid is then added to the bath. Rosemary is clearing and protective, but also energizing, so I don’t recommend it in the evening, generally speaking. Lavender is calming and soothing, and is the gentlest of the clearing herbs. Black sage helps with magickal workings and inducing trance, so is good for channeling, automatic writing, goddess work, and empowerment (but should be used sparingly). Hyssop is a staple herb in Hoodoo (American folk magick) and comes up for a lot of magickal baths. If you’re pulling out the big guns, in terms of both energy and clearing, I am a fan of helichrysum; it was added to ritual foot baths during biblical times.

Water has strong conducting properties and, as such, can be made to take on a specific quality. This is part of the basis of Dr Emoto‘s work on water. The very structure of water can be changed by a word, a prayer, or an energy. Putting a label, such as “love” or “pure” on a container that holds water, even overnight, can strongly effect the water therein. Likewise, a single drop of holy water added to a larger container of tap water, will change the entire container to hold water. These ideas can, as you might imagine, be used to your advantage for magickal bathing.

Any tool will, of course, be more helpful in some instances more than others. Baths are especially useful for women clearing old relationships, because women take on the energy of their partner (even in a same sex relationship) during the act of sex. Some traditions hold that, without conscious work, a cord remains for seven full years past the last instance of sexual intercourse. The water from a bath will naturally get to more places than other forms of cleansing, such as smudge or a salt scrub.

Some traditions would have you, when the bath is over, throw all the water, or at least a cup of it, out into the garden or out your back door or along the path of a person (if you are clearing the energy left by that person). Bear in mind that this aspect was probably started when people didn’t have indoor plumbing and, therefore, drains, so there was something to be said for paying conscious attention to what you did with your waste water. But there is a certain merit to the idea, even in the days of sewer systems; Mother Nature is the most efficient recycler of energies that I know of. She transfors carbon dioxide into oxygen through plants. She transmutes sewage into drinkable water through marshes. Releasing into the earth any energy that you need cleared, transformed, or transmuted may be the most efficient way to get the job done. So, if you were to give a cup of your bathing water to Gaia, it might speed your work along. I do recommend avoiding putting it right where you are trying to grow something, because of the salt.

Be creative, open yourself to inspiration, and feel free to look in a book or two for the properties of specific herbs to assist you in your endeavors. I recommend Hoodoo Herb and Root Magic, Cunningham’s Encyclopedia of Magical Herbs, and Healing Herbs A to Z: A Handy Reference to Healing Plants. There are, or course, others.

Happy bathing!

 

 

March Newsletter

Spring cleaning shows up in all sorts of different ways, but it invariably shows up. Spring is the season of rebirth, of new seeds sprouting, and it helps to get the old out of the way so that there is room for the new. I am coming up on a master number natal year, the one of work in fact, so I’ve been really looking at how I can make friends with my shadow self. That was actually the theme of my Pantheacon experience this year – if you want to be more effective, whether it is in your personal, mundane life, your professional life, or spiritually/magickally, know yourself honestly, fully, in all your aspects, and use all those parts as strengths. Full alignment is the goal.

I don’t know about you, but when I look at my shadow self, I feel called to release those parts that no longer work for me. It’s rare that anyone can get rid of an entire aspect wholesale in one fell swoop (it’s part of you!), but I have found it possible to drill down on aspects, inventory them, find what is usable, and let go of the rest. So there is some stirring up of the sediment that happens. My body likes to give me clues about what needs to be released and what needs to be acknowledged. In laymen’s terms, I get sick. The symptoms tell me what I’m not looking at, what I’m not hearing, what my fears/illusions are, what I’m not voicing, and where my anger lies. As I acknowledge these, and process them consciously, I move through the illness in comparatively short order.

Different people experience this phenomenon in different ways, it doesn’t have to show up in the form of illness. Some people will feel financially blocked. Some people will be having a lot of tension in their personal or work relationships. Some people find themselves more escapist than usual (whether they express that through entertainment or cleaning or work is another story). It’s not a guarantee that Spring is your cleaning season. Some people do it in fall or winter; rarely does it happen in summer, unless the cleaning is urgently necessary. My own personal journey through this phenomenon this year has led me to offer the monthly special (see sidebar of actual newsletter).

May spring renew you in ways you never thought possible.

You ARE the light of the world!
Ayamanatara

Cycles

Raccoon asked me this morning to create a cycle calendar. Basically, Raccoon tends to do things on a 20-week cycle, so that’s 4 quarters of 5 weeks each, with the energies of germination, growth, thriving, and harvest. Since I noticeably started a cycle on Friday, I used that as a starting point. I cross referenced important personal dates, Mercury Retrogrades, and cycles of the moon, because I will likely be using the calendar during this cycle for tracking energies and for date planning, so more data is always good. I put the Gregorian dates on the calendar as well, so I could quickly figure out where I was in the calendar.

Things that jump out at me:

  • It begins and ends with a Mercury Retrograde.
  • My natal birthday is the beginning of the “thriving” quarter (also the mid-point in the cycle).
  • It always begins on a Friday, which is as it should be to my mystery-school-trained mind.

Aaaand, that’s about it so far. Hey, it’s not like I’ve played with it much yet!

At the very least, it will be interesting to track things on this calendar. I’m sure Raccoon will give me more information as I need it, or show me how to find it. I’ll let you know when other interesting tidbits come up.