Author Archives: ayamanatara

Faery Meditation

I am working on a series of books on Faery. It’s a channeled piece, told to me by a stone. Long story.

Anyway, I am offering you this beginning meditation from the book. With all of the solar storms and astrological events and energetic hoohaw going on, I thought it might help:

Go out into a garden, and take your shoes off. Feel the texture of the ground. Squat down and place your hands in the dirt, if you can. Feel the quality of it. Is it moist? Dry? Hard? Soft? Crumbly? Sticky? What does it smell like? Taste it, if you dare, just a little. Is it sharp? Sweet?

Are there any water features? A pond, a stream, a fountain, a birdbath? Go touch the water. Is it warm? Cool? What does it smell like? Is it moving or still? Is there anything visible living in it?

What plants grow here, in this garden? What shape are the leaves? What are the textures? Are things plump or flat? Are there flowers? What are the scents of the plants, not just the flowers, but the leaves. How do the plants move? What shapes do they grow in? How many of them can you name? What would you guess, if you do not know, their medicinal properties would be?

Take a deep breath. Feel the air filling your lungs. Is it cool? Hot? What does it smell like? What does it taste like? Is it dry or humid? Does it feel sharp or smooth? Is there a breeze? What direction is it coming from? Is it a different temperature than the air?

Are there insects? What kind? What are they doing? Are they moving quickly or slowly? Do they stay close to the ground or fly up high? What sound do they make?

Speaking of sound, what sounds do you hear, out in this garden? Are there manmade sounds as well as the sounds of nature? Is there a rhythm or a song to the noise as a whole? Is there bird song? Crickets? Bees? Frogs? Is the sound different when you move versus when you stand still?

Look up at the sky. Are there clouds? Blue sky? Haze or maybe even smog? Where in the sky is the sun? What color is the sky? Can you see the moon as well? Are there birds flying? Can you name them? Are they raptors? Carrion eaters? Birds that eat bugs in trees? Fruit eaters? Birds that go after ground insects? What colors are they? What’s their wingspan? Do they fly together or alone? Do they glide lazily on the currents or head purposely in a direction? Can you feel the sun on your skin, warming you?

This is awareness of the natural world. This is the easiest way to start to heal the disconnect that we have created with our power lines and our concrete and our steel. You should take 5 minutes out of every day to do this, to just be and reconnect with nature. Notice how your body feels when you do this? Do things feel slower or faster for you. Do you move deliberately or do you feel like you need to rush through the process?

Remember that your resistance, your density, is going to try to dissuade you from this process. Make a commitment to stay with the experience, to the best of your ability, despite any internal or external discomfort that arises. Sometimes it helps to imagine that you are breaking through the soles of your feet, releasing any pain or anxiety into the ground. Don’t let your resistance tell you this is a bad idea, that you might poison or otherwise harm the earth – is Nature not the great alchemist, turning carbon dioxide into oxygen, water into clouds, and trash into nutrients for the plants? Surely Nature can transmute your pain and anxiety into something more useful.

On the Question of Privilege

priv·i·lege
noun \ˈpriv-lij, ˈpri-və-\
Definition of PRIVILEGE : a right or immunity granted as a peculiar benefit, advantage, or favor : prerogative; especially : such a right or immunity attached specifically to a position or an office

This concept has been coming into the collective consciousness more and more lately. White privilege, male privilege, straight privilege, religion-of-choice privilege…  The interesting thing about societal privilege is that it’s very difficult to see it when you are a member of that particular group.  It has to be defined in relation to other groups: what can they not do that I can not only do, but don’t have to think about my ability to do? Awareness of your own privilege requires both self-awareness and an awareness of what being Other truly means.

It’s a difficult topic. It makes people us uncomfortable, because they we are frequently confronted with it in a manner that puts them in the wrong. So of course they we get defensive, of course they we don’t want to examine it!

I realize this is not the sort of topic you might be accustomed to seeing in a spiritual blog. It should be, though. Peter Dybing wrote about Pagan Intolerance this week, and Intolerance can be a byproduct of Privilege. He brings up an excellent point, one that is relevant to this blog:

As part of my personal practice I hold those opinions and individuals with whom I disagree in what I call “Sacred Regard”. They provide me the opportunity to dig deeper, develop compassion and understanding, acknowledge the diversity in community and more clearly define my own understanding of the nature of the divine and my relationship to the Goddess.

Tolerance is a spiritual principle. A better one is what Peter defines as Sacred Regard. If we stop thinking of people as Other, and we start to work to understand them, we grow, we evolve, we become more than the sum of our parts.

Something I have been personally working rather deeply this Spring has been the Shadow Self. If you want to be effective, if you want to move forward in your life, if you want to not be stuck, you must be fully in alignment. That means self-examination, knowing what your weaknesses are and even befriending them, ultimately turning them into strengths. That means looking at the Uncomfortable Truths in your life. What are those parts of you that you don’t like to acknowledge? What are those parts you would like to ignore? Be aware of yourself in all your parts.

For some people, that might mean looking at the concept of privilege.

Peggy McIntosh:

I have often noticed men’s unwillingness to grant that they are overprivileged in the curriculum, even though they may grant that women are disadvantaged. Denials that amount to taboos surround the subject of advantages that men gain from women’s disadvantages. These denials protect male privilege from being fully recognized, acknowledged, lessened, or ended.

In this potpourri of examples, some privileges make me feel at home in the world. Others allow me to escape penalties or dangers that others suffer. Through some, I escape fear, anxiety, insult, injury, or a sense of not being welcome, not being real. Some keep me from having to hide, to be in disguise, to feel sick or crazy, to negotiate each transaction from the position of being an outsider or, within my group, a person who is suspected of having too close links with a dominant culture. Most keep me from having to be angry.

In proportion as my racial group was being made confident, comfortable, and oblivious, other groups were likely being made unconfident, uncomfortable, and alienated. Whiteness protected me from many kinds of hostility, distress, and violence, which I was being subtly trained to visit in turn upon people of color.

David J Leonard:

The “it’s suppose to happen” in inner-city communities reframe is not surprising. Places like Columbine, Aurora, and Newtown exist because of the fear-industrial complex. The white middle-class flocked from cities into the suburbs and rural communities partially due to fear of black and Latino youth, integrated schools, and urban crime. The continuously deployed the narrative of “it’s not suppose to happen in Newtown” and their neighborhoods mirroring “American family’s dream” embodies this entrenched belief. The efforts to imagine Holmes and Lanza as good kids turned evil, to scour the earth for reasons and potential solutions, works to preserve the illusion of safety, the allure of white suburbia, and the power of whiteness.

and Jim Keller:

Many people believe white privilege does not exist. Many people believe straight privilege does not exist. Those people never sat up all night with a list of dentists who take their insurance desperately trying to find one who believes that gay people are fully human.

You see, a straight person cannot perceive straight privilege when it happens any more than I can perceive white privilege. One cannot decline this privilege. It happens silently, insidiously. Seriously, have you looked at the list of associations your dentist belongs to, and researched each one? Why would you? Why would anyone — unless they’re a member of a minority group and aware that certain groups are, in fact, out to get you?

It is easy to see where we don’t get something that others can easily have, but it’s much harder to see when the roles are reversed. Doing the work to create the awareness is an important part of spiritual growth.  There are resources out there that can help you in this regard; here are two such examples:

The Male Privilege Checklist

The article by Peggy McIntosh has a pretty good list of White Privilege, as well as how she arrived at that list. She uses as definition “a list of special circumstances and conditions I experience that I did not earn but that I have been made to feel are mine by birth, by citizenship, and by virtue of being a conscientious law-abiding “normal” person of goodwill. I have chosen those conditions that I think in my case attach somewhat more to skin-color privilege than to class, religion, ethnic status, or geographic location, though these other privileging factors are intricately intertwined. As far as I can see, my Afro-American co-workers, friends, and acquaintances with whom I come into daily or frequent contact in this particular time, place, and line of work cannot count on most of these conditions.

What’s your list? I’d love to know.

 

Why I Enjoy My Advanced Classes

One of my favorite classes right now is A Shaman’s Workshop, an apprenticeship-style class over at Matrix International University. It’s advanced enough that we can really play with the subject matter. Because students majoring in New-shamanism have to take at least 3 trimesters of it in order to graduate, I set it up so that the series is 9 trimesters long; that way, no one repeats a topic, regardless of when they start. Subjects are based on the cycle of the local wheel, with Spring trimester being a growth topic, Summer being an abundance or life topic, and Fall being an introspective topic.

We just started the Summer trimester series, and the elemental influence is Air. We’ll be doing trance induction through breathwork, examining the energy between things, and working with weather. We were mostly indoors yesterday for the first class, but at least 2 more of the classes will be held out in nature. I feel strongly that an experiential class in shamanism needs to have a visceral connection to the planet.

Over the weekend, the weather changed (much to the benefit of the firefighters, I’m sure), and we really had an opportunity to feel the weather. One of the great things about playing with weather in LA is that it has such clearly defined weather patterns. Even our inversion layer is obvious. So we looked at various trees that had opinions on the likelihood of rain, we felt the quality and flavor of the wind, and we got to feel the ceiling on a low pressure system. After talking about the ethics of weather work, we played a little bit with push and pull, with special focus on the Camarillo Springs fire area. While cause and effect are often indistinguishable from coincidence, yesterday the professional weatherfolk were predicting 20% chance of rain for today, and today it’s up between 80-90%, depending on which site you look at.

I’m not claiming ownership on this, but I am pleased that the folks in the fire-threatened areas are going to get some relief. Ego has no place in work like this, and the best you can ever hope for is to convince a weather pattern that it wants to be stronger or weaker. You work with the patterns that already exist, no more, no less.

For those of you who missed it, the May Newsletter finally went up on Saturday. Sorry for the delay!

What Are You For?

Author’s note: I wrote this back in 2006, but it seems rather pertinent, so I’m reposting.

I was once asked why I don’t participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I’ll be there.
-Mother Teresa

Energy follows focus. If I focus on being against something, I am still focusing on that thing and, therefore, feeding it energy.

Terrorism is a great example of this. Terrorism seeks a response, that is its purpose. By reacting to terrorism, I give it power. If I continue to live my life without fear, on the other hand, I maintain my own power.

So, I ask you, what are you FOR? What are you in favor of, with a passion that causes you to do something about it? What would you march for, fight for, rally for, sing for, raise money for?

I am for peace, for love, and for the environment I am for freedom of expression, freedom of self, freedom of love, freedom of partnership, freedom of religion and spiritual belief, and freedom of pocketbook I am for health and healing, wherever it is needed I am for community, for making my community feel supported and nurtured, and for open communication without judgment within my community I am for abundance, with the realization that there is enough for everyone

What are you for?

Maintaining Peace in the Midst of Chaos

(from 2001)

As we walk along the path of consciousness, we create situations for ourselves that help us to grow so that we do not become stagnant. This means that the more serenity you bring into your life, tho more important your soul finds it to test that serenity, to help you to exercise those muscles, and you can find yourself in the midst of chaos rather quickly. The goal in this case is to maintain your inner peace, your serenity, no matter what you are confronted with. This is sometimes hard to remember when you’re in the middle of it, of course, but the remembering is part of the exercise. Think of it as a spiritual workout.

The first step is to stay grounded. Our natural tendency is to ‘go away,’ but it is much easier to not feel overwhelmed when present (see July’s article). It also becomes easier to maintain a sense of inner peace when one stays grounded. Unruffled is unruffled, no matter how you look at it.

The second step is to bless that which brings you chaos. Assess the situation, determine what or who it is that is causing the chaos (usually whatever is irritating you), and project love and compassion toward it. This is the best way to keep it from affecting you.

Understand that there is no requirement that you play whatever game is presented to you. You are under no obligation to participate in chaos. In fact, at a higher, soul level, you are supposed to let the chaos go on around you and remain unaffected. This raises your vibration and the vibration of those around you. You may even be surprised to find that your perspective on your surrounding chaos starts to shift, and you acquire a more ‘evolved’ view of circumstances.

It is important to maintain your regular daily practice regardless of what is going on around you. Allowing your spiritual activities to fall by the wayside because of other things only guarantees that you will have less time, less energy, fewer coping skills, and will increase your problems. conversely, maintaining your practice in the midst of turmoil will increase your coping skills, give you more energy, and create more time to handle the details.

The easiest and most common form of daily practice is meditation. This doesn’t have to be some form of esoteric candle-watching mind-clearing activity. You can get a guided meditation tape, you can go for a walk and pay attention to your surroundings, you can purchase a daily meditation book and read and contemplate the daily meditation; there are any number of effective meditation techniques readily available. Generally, consider meditation to be anything that quiets you enough to be able to hear that small, still voice within.

When disaster strikes

From Spirit’s point of view, disaster is an opportunity for growth. I know this is very hard to bear in mind when faced with imagery of blood and terror, or when people you know leave this world suddenly. Spirit is not limited by what we perceive as limitations, Spirit does not see what we call death as an ending, Spirit does not grieve the same things we grieve.

In September of 2001, when faced with the hugeness of the terror attacks in New York and DC, I asked Spirit what I was supposed to do with this overwhelming data, because I didn’t know. My brain just shorted out, and I didn’t know what to do. Spirit said something very much like what They said yesterday:

“Blessed are those who give their lives in tragedy, for they afford the rest of us the opportunity to grow in community and in light.

Blessed are those who create tragedy, for they take on karma while affording us the opportunity to grow in community and light.

Blessed are the witnesses, for they can grow in community and light; they can be The Helpers of which Fred Rodgers spoke. They draw their loved ones close. They open their homes or make food or bring blankets or facilitate connection. They are the people who run towards the smoke, the runners who changed course to blood donation stations, the people who acted and are acting.

It is only when we freeze that terrorism is effective.”

Remember, darkness is the absence of light. You carry the light within you, and it is not finite. Share your light with others, maintain the light, stay in the light, and there is no way that darkness can touch you. Whether disaster spurs you to positive action in your family, in your community, or on a global scale, you are acting as a LightWorker, and you are actively thwarting the darkness.

You truly are the Light of the World.

Multidimensional Beliefs

I’ve been doing a lot of work in/with Chaos Magick lately. The basic tenet of Chaos Magick is that there is no basic tenet; that is to say, it does not require a belief in any individuated deity or consciousness. I like it because it simply addresses the laws of how things work and takes the belief and faith out of it. Between that and reading some Robert Anton Wilson, I am more aware of the myths that I play with, the rituals I do, and the way I celebrate my own spirituality. I find that I am capable of being both skeptical and faithful at the same time. Even more complicated than that, I am capable of holding several competing or divergent beliefs simultaneously, with no trouble whatsoever.

This was especially amusing to me on Good Friday. A friend of mine, when she lived in town, would have a cocktail party every year to celebrate the fact that, on this one day, everyone could agree that God is dead. I have a tradition of walking the Labyrinth on Good Friday to contemplate the ideas of sacrifice and rebirth. I have a number of Christian-ish traditions that I celebrate. I like the idea of the All That Is; sometimes I ascribe it a personalized consciousness, sometimes I don’t. I’m fairly sure it doesn’t care whether I do or not. I also like the idea of manifestations of the Divine, individuations, in the various Gods and Goddesses. I also firmly believe that we are each Creators and contain within us all of the potential of the Godhead. None of these things are in conflict for me, but I understand how they could be.

When I call myself a multi-denominational Shaman, it confuses people. They want to know what path I follow. Honestly, I follow the one that makes the most sense at the time. I like data. I like to know the traditions and legends of as many belief systems as possible. I like to see the  patterns, the similarities, the nuances. I also like to know the laws of How Things Work. I like to weave things together, to blend ideas and traditions and rituals. Shamanism, to me, is the art of seeing the patterns between things. A Shaman has many functions, but their Art is one of patterns. So I can be a Shaman, a mystic, a Gnostic, a magician, a hedge witch, a minister, a healer, a Christian, and anything else I feel an affinity towards without conflict. I suppose if my paradigm included the idea of a judgmental God, this wouldn’t work, but that strikes me as weak, and a weak God is no God at all, really.

It is good to examine your beliefs, your myths, your faith. It is good to take stock every once in a while and make sure the stories you are telling yourself work for you. They don’t have to work for anyone else, really, and that’s a good thing; but they should work for you. You should be comfortable with them, familiar, so that you can see when something isn’t working for you and revise it. I’m not talking about following or believing what’s convenient; I’m talking about self-knowledge and self-understanding.

Moving Forward

I made a decision that this spring is all about creating forward motion in all aspects of my life – career development, moving through blocks, resolving or dealing differently with my health challenges, making my household more efficient, getting the garden closer to how I want it to be, etc. As such, I’m changing behaviors, taking classes, making commitments to programs, and I’m also letting go of things and situations that aren’t working for me.

This morning’s daily message was especially pertinent:

Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is moving forward despite the fear. When you continue forward, despite your fears, you will find that the fears diminish and no longer have control over you.

Name the fear, so you know what your foe is. Take a good look at it, down to its core. What is the root fear? Name that, too. Look at the worst case scenario – what is the worst thing that could happen if you move forward? Now, what is the best thing that could happen if you move forward? Then…

…Take a deep breath and move forward. Take that first step.

I’ve had a lot going on that I could let limit me, and I have been letting it limit me. Done with that. This is the week of rebirth, and I am rebirthing myself into the life I WANT to live. That old one doesn’t suit me anymore.

How’s your spring going?

Reorganization of Information

I am in the process of rethinking the organization of this website, and it really is a metaphor for what’s going on in my life. I need to change the order of presentation, for one, so that something else is presented when you first come to the site. I am also re-evaluating my masks and how I present myself as a healer and a teacher, courtesy of Raccoon. Interestingly, I recently came to the conclusion that I don’t have to make friends with my shadow self, because it’s already a fully integrated part of me. I would, in fact, argue, that I present my shadow self more as who I am in my personal life that I do what is probably my not-shadow self. ::shrug:: I’ve always done things a little backwards.

I am also giving serious through to reorganizing the Tools page, and breaking it down into smaller pages so it’s easier for find what you’re looking for. So, a page for books and readable media, a page for meditations and listenable media, a page for online classes (which are coming soon), a page for clearing bowls, and a page for oils and incenses (which I’m starting to make again). Possibly a page for jewelry, as I think that’s coming back into you repertoire as well. All of this is merely a way for me to make it easier for you to figure out how I can help you. Which means I probably need to sort out the Services area a little more, or at least make the site navigation more user-friendly. In the 3D, I am also looking for ways to be more accessible to my clients and students; this may mean being more accessible in the virtual world, as I can serve more people in this forum.

This is all part and parcel of the dredging up the river I did for the last month. We are now out of Mercury Retrograde (although still in it’s wake, don’t get too excited), so I can really look forward and create new methods of communication and new ways to make myself available.  I’m sure it will be interesting…

A Very Tardy Writeup of Pantheacon

Over Presidents’ Day weekend, I attended Pantheacon in San Jose. Envision 3000 pagans, 4 days of workshops and rituals (with up to 14 of those being held simultaneously in any given time slot), plus vendors and readers and book signings and hospitality suites, in an airport hotel. This was my second year attending and my first year presenting.

I attended:

I also did readings one afternoon and offered by Becoming the Goddess workshop, visited a number of hospitality suites, and had some great conversations with people.

It was exhausting and exhilarating and informative and inspiring. I dredged up all sort of shadow stuff to be purged or otherwise dealt with. I learned new skills and techniques and affirmed old ones. I bought some earrings and a reclaimed raccoon tail that resonated with me the way most animal products don’t. I saw people I hadn’t seen in quite some time, people I had just seen at the Conference on Current Pagan Studies, and people with whom I had only spoken to online.

Out of everything I attended, the most useful workshop was, hands down, the Four Powers of the Sphinx. It laid out a very simple and easy to use formula for manifesting that, when combined with the other events I attended, really felt like it was going to make a difference for me. I also just adore T Thorn Coyle’s manner of expressing ideas, which I’m sure helped.

The most powerful ritual was Hecate’s Path. It was a ritual of mourning for a close friend of the leaders, and mostly involved a room full of people chanting the same thing for about an hour; but it was so very transformative and the energy was stunning. I originally chose to attend it because I do a monthly dark moon/new moon myself, and I wanted to experience how others might observe that. It ended up being so much more.

I was supposed to go up with a handful of my students (and possibly even my husband), and ended up going by myself, which was perfect. I was able to feel my way through which things I wanted to attend, didn’t have to worry too much about meeting up with anyone, and probably actually got more rest than I would have if I was part of a group. I stay off site, which enables me to completely shift gears when I need to, but having a hotel room there might have been nice simply so I could nap during meal breaks.

I am still processing the lessons learned, so this probably isn’t as in depth as I would like. It was a wonderful weekend and I do highly recommend it if you want a lot of workshops in a short amount of time, or if you want to feel a part of a larger community, or even if you want to expose yourself to new pagan experiences. It’s affordable, it’s convenient for anyone on the west coast (or at least Californians), and it is becoming an annual tradition for me.