I don’t often get what I call “normal people sick.” My health challenges require too much self care for that to be my problem. Usually. Every once in a while, though, my higher self needs me to look at something I’ve been ignoring; apparently the most effective way to do that is via my body. Honestly, I think it’s that way for everyone. Soul talks to the individual through chemical reaction, which are usually physical sensations, which become emotions once processed by the personality. Sometimes, the chemical reaction creates an imbalance and we get sick.
Anyway, I’m down for the count. After seeing a doctor, whining about it, and generally being uncomfortable, I eventually get around to throwing some woo at the problem and remembering to look for the underlying issue. I teach a course in the emotional root cause of disease, for gods sake, the least I could do us apply some of that to my own self, right?
I have a strong sense that the full moon was a bit of a change in direction, energetically (more than the usual cycle, I mean). I’ve been shifting gears in the last few weeks, and that makes sense. On Thursday we finally had the culmination of my husband’s 40th birthday present, and it was definitely worthy of a life change initiation/celebration ritual – skydiving.
So, of course, now I’m processing and adjusting.
It’s all air. My sinuses and lungs are what’s being affected, and skydiving is definitely an air ritual (if you’re doing it right, anyway). The traditional witch association for Air is the mental body; from a more organic place, it’s about feeding life force, putting ourselves out into the world, and movement. In tarot, it’s sword, which is about cutting away that which no longer serves. Swords puts in on the receptivity side of the spectrum, which is also about boundaries and limits.
Sinuses are 6th chakra – the upper mental body. Hindsight, foresight, clarity; elevated thought patterns; the endocrine system; processing sensory input, taking in information on all levels.
Lungs are 4th chakra – our point of connection. The seat of the Soul. Realness, integrity, authenticity. Self-knowledge. That which keeps us going.
The shift in gears I’ve been coming to terms with is that I need to slow down, to spend more time in nature and in quiet, to allow more blank space in my schedule. I’ve always been someone who wants to do all the things, see all the things, experience all the things. The truth is, though, that I need more empty spaces. I spent many years saying yes to everything so I could know my path. Now I need to start to say no again.
I have an ego-level resistance to the idea of limitations in my life. I want to be a superhero. But even superheroes take off the suit, at least the old school traditional ones do. I’m so invested in being the go-to person that stepping out of the role feels dissonant to me. The Truth is that I can’t do it all. I need to work smarter, not harder, because I’m just out of oomph.
I feel like I’ve been talking in circles around this issue for months. The more I process it, the more sensitive I become to requests (or even demands) for my energy. I had to ask a dear friend to stop talking photos of me at an event the other day, because it was starting to feel “grabby”. I’ve moved away from doing readings. I’ve been caring less and less about deadlines; they don’t even really register anymore, and I’ve had to change my procedures so that get things done when they need to be done.
So I need help. I feel called to build a retreat on Maui. I have a goodly amount of the business plan done. The budget needs finishing, and I need to hand the research for that off to someone. Once the business plan is ready for public consumption, I will need help getting the word out there. I probably need help putting together a video for the funding campaign, since people seem to expect those. If these are things you can help with, please get in touch. The vision is complete, I don’t need any help with that.
It seems odd, I know to talk about doing less and then talking about building something new. I need to get out of the city, out of the pollution, out of the sensory overload. The retreat will do that. It will also allow me to bring all my skills together for one project, one venue. It will give me space to write and to just be out in nature. It really is the next right step.